I quit my job.

I couldn’t do it anymore.

If the past six months have taught me anything, it’s that there’s enough shit in my life already making me unhappy, I cannot dread going to work each day as well.

I know, I know, I know. I’m an idiot.

What am I going to do now? I DON’T KNOW.

How will I pay legal fees? I DON’T KNOW.

How will I pay for anything? I DON’T KNOW.

Where will I live? I DON’T KNOW.

I don’t know anything right now beyond the fact that the job was making me miserable and I already have enough misery in my life. The past ten days of my life have been seemingly unbearable. Each day getting delivered an a stronger blow of bad news, frustration and absolute heartbreak.

I’m stressed. I’m depressed. I’m on the heaviest dose this anti-depressant can provide and I still spend most of every day in tears. I have zero plans for life (getting a new job). I have zero plans for anything. We’re going back to the drawing board, and back to the job postings.

Sunday’s avoiding my house.

House showings are awkward when people show up really early.

I know I’m not supposed to be home during a house showing (for several obvious reasons), so I’ve been leaving 15 mins before a scheduled showing so that no one catches me. Well, today I had a showing at 1:30, and the people were standing in my driveway at 1:02 when I looked out my window.

Seriously, they were 28 minutes early.

I casually grabbed the garbage (because the realtor says I shouldn’t leave garbage in the house during showings – which is ridiculous, but I am trying to help out my landlord since they helped me in letting me in here for such a short window of time) and pretending I was talking on my phone, waved at them and walked right on by.

They saw me leave, and my doorbell caught them telling the realtor I was leaving, so they went into my house at 1:10. They didn’t leave until 1:57 (again, my doorbell caught it).

The doorbell is handy because I can see exactly when people leave, so I can just walk back into my house if it’s before the half-hour scheduled window is up.

Anyways, my house is small. Very small. I’m not sure what they could’ve been looking at for 47 minutes small.

I went back into my house around 2:00 pm, and got a call at 2:15 from the realtor saying that these people wanted to do one more walk-through at 3:00. Knowing these people were insanely early the last time, I knew that meant I basically had to leave ASAP, or they’d see me again.

I put the nice towels (the realtor left) back out, turned on all the lights once again (because apparently, that’s a thing since COVID) and left, again. The people came back into my house at 2:39 and were in my house until 4:00 pm. I’m not entirely sure what they were looking at all of that time. Even if they opened every drawer, door and cupboard in the place, it wouldn’t take that long.

When they were leaving, the mom was talking in front of my doorbell camera about how if she buys this place for her son, she needs her son to promise he’ll take care of it and keep it this nice. The mom is buying a place for her son to live. Must be nice to be a kid with rich parents who can drop half a million on an apartment for you to live in.

Anyways, if they do put in an offer, that means no showings until the offer is approved, or declined. If declined, I will go back to showings. We’ll see what happens.

Hopefully, there are no more house showings. but who knows.

Saturday’s are for Sunshine

I am so white that I went outside for 13 minutes today and my face is sunburnt the shade of cream soda. WHILE I WAS WEARING SPF 30.

I am that white girl.

The house I am living in is for sale and so I was required to leave my house today. The first time, I needed to leave from 12:30 – 3:00 for an open house. I wound up at the mall and remembered why I hate shopping malls. The second time, was four a house showing. People are able to book showings in 30 minute blocks (even though my house is quite small and won’t take 30 mins to walk through if you poked in every drawer and behind every door/cupboard in the place) The second time, because it was only thirty minutes, I decided to just sit in the park across the road. It wound up being only 13 minutes that they were in my house. 13 minutes was long enough to turn me four shades of pink.

Oh well, I guess we’re just going with the sunburn for at least the next week.

Realtor’s are incredibly inconsiderate.

Realtor walks through my house.

Realtor: “Your house is really bland.”

Thank you?

Sorry?

Not sorry. I don’t ‘stage’ my house for a day-to-day basis. Also, people who buy houses can see right through the bullshit of home staging. Also, even if I were a decorator, I’ve lived here such a short period of time, I wouldn’t have had any time to decorate.

Her: “We will work with your schedule and we won’t come until after four pm”.

Less than 48 hours pass.

Her: “Hey, we’re going to need access to your house for a full day to do cleaning and staging and photos. Also, you cannot be there”.

She wasn’t impressed when I said “Feel free to come next Saturday.”

Her: “No actually, I’ve booked the cleaners and stagers and photographer for Wednesday,” she says.

THAT’S NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM. Less than 48 hours ago you told me that you wouldn’t come until after four pm, and now you want me out of my house for an entire day, during the week. Where the fuck am I supposed to work? Starbucks isn’t exactly the confidential environment needed to my job.

The next day, which was Saturday.

Her (at 8:30 pm on a Saturday night): “Hey [Vee] can we come and do a walk through of your house prior to Wednesday so we know what we need to bring for staging?”

Me: “Please come tomorrow.”

Her: “No actually, I don’t work weekends.”

UMMMMMMMMMM YES YOU DO. YOU’RE A FUCKING REALTOR. YOU PRETTY MUCH WORK EVERY WEEKEND. IF YOU DON’T WORK WEEKENDS WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME FOR A WALK THROUGH AT 8:30 ON A SATURDAY NIGHT?

Her: “I’ll come Monday or Tuesday.”

Me: “AFTER FOUR PM.”

Her: “After four.”

Monday – Realtor knocks on door at 3:00 PM.

Me: “I cannot give you access to my house right now.”

Her: “Oh, well I was just driving through the neighbourhood and thought I could pop in and get what I needed done.”

Me: “Please come back after four.

Her: “Okay, I’ll come back after four.”

SHE DOESN’T COME BACK… AT ALL MONDAY NIGHT. I CALLED AND TEXTED, STAYED HOME ALL FUCKING EVENING WAITING FOR HER. SHE JUST IGNORED ME.

Today. 5:00 PM.

Me: “Is anyone coming to my house tonight?”

Her: “Are you home now?”

Me: “Yes.”

Her: “I’ll come soon.”

Me: “When is soon?”

Her: “I’ll be there soon.”

UGHHHHHHHHHH

Seriously, it could take exactly zero effort to be considerate and provide a window of time in which she thought she might be coming through.

Who acts like this in a professional setting and gets away with it?

A follow up on the hair loss

Nearly a month ago I asked on my blog if anyone had any tips for hair loss. I was losing massive amounts of hair and it was adding to the stress I was already suffering in my personal life. (When I say massive amounts of hair, my hair was falling out in large clumps)

I’ve had a lot going on this year. I switched jobs in February and had a two-week period that I wasn’t working anywhere. I’ve been paying legal fees, which seem to get more expensive as the days go by, my car is still missing, and on and on and on. Basically, there are a lot of reasons I have to believe that this hair loss was attributed to stress.

I don’t want to be bald. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I’ve always been known for having long, thick, beautiful hair. It’s like a piece of my identity.

Well, to my surprise, the stress may not have been as big of a contributing factor to my hair loss as I’d originally assumed.

My shampoo and conditioner were.

So let’s walk back to February when I was unemployed for two weeks. I’ve always been someone who’s really good with budgeting my money. That being said, being unemployed for two weeks, having ongoing legal fees that I didn’t plan for, and grossly expensive anti-depressants to pay for (that I had started in November 2021) that weren’t covered by benefits, I didn’t have a ton of money. Actually, I had $22 in my account. I needed shampoo, because, you know, long hair. Clean hair and good hygiene is important.

I ended up buying a shampoo that I’d never bought before. The reason why I bought it was that it was on sale, and if I bought it with the conditioner, I would get an extra $3 off. I ended up getting both the conditioner and shampoo for $6 after my $3 coupon.

The shampoo and conditioner I bought:

When I got it home, I smelled it as I was putting it into my shower and the scent was amazing!

I washed my hair that night and the scent lasted to the next morning and I loved that.

I thought that since it didn’t leave my hair feeling too awful, and since it smelled so great, this could be a new shampoo and conditioner for me. At least for the interim while I’m trying to save money.

In April, I started getting really concerned about my hair loss. I didn’t realize how long I’d been ignoring it, but I distinctly remember finding a bald spot in April and not knowing what to do, I just sat on my bathroom floor and cried.

I made the post on my blog asking for tips to deal with hair loss, and later that week I took to Amazon to buy another bottle of shampoo and conditioner as mine was almost empty.

On Amazon, I noticed this shampoo had 1.5 stars. I remember wondering why so many people hated the shampoo when it smelled so nice, so I went to read the reviews.

The first/top comment in the review section reads like this:

WHAT?

My shampoo and conditioner include formaldehyde? How is that even legal? I thought this was a joke. But I also immediately started to wonder if this is what was causing my hair to fall out in large clumps.

I took to Google to confirm this was the case.

J&J is, in fact, being sued for this. People are claiming that the shampoo and conditioner products of this line lead to massive hair loss. (One article of many)

I went up to my shower to look at the bottles that were there(that were almost empty) and both read that they had DMDM hydantoin in them. DMDM hydantoin is the troublesome ingredient they’re presently being sued for.

I then fell down a reddit rabbit hole where tons of people were talking about this shampoo and conditioner causing hair loss.

Then I realized that my hair loss really started in February when I bought this shampoo and conditioner.

Shortly after making that post on my blog last month, I switched to a new shampoo and conditioner. While dermatologists online are mixed about whether or not hair loss can be proven based off DMDM hydantoin causing hair loss, I thought to myself that if there’s any way that could be a cause of my hair loss, I needed to stop using it.

Well, I know that dermatologists have mixed reviews about whether it does or not cause hair loss, but my review for my body are this: that shampoo and conditioner were causing my hair to fall out.

I noticed a difference in my hair after one wash. ONE WASH.

Whatever DMDM hydantoin was doing to my scalp that was causing my hair to fall out didn’t happen anymore after switching my shampoo and conditioner.

Don’t get me wrong, I still do lose some hair – anyone with long hair knows what that is like. It’s just a fact that when you brush through your tangles, some comes off in the brush. I am no longer tossing my hair behind my ears and having a large clump fall out in my hand. I am now focussed on helping fixing my bald spots, not worried about there being more.

It has been about 3.5 weeks since switching shampoos to one that does not include DMDM hydantoin and it’s been 3.5 weeks since I’ve lost a large clump of hair.

DMDM hydantoin is also in Tresemme and Dove shampoos and conditioners.

The point of this story is this: check your shampoo and conditioner ingredients for DMDM hydantoin. It might not affect you in the same way it did me, but if you ever worry about it, perhaps it’s an ingredient that’s better to avoid.

Where is there clutter?

Really, I would like to know.

I don’t think I’ve shared here yet, but if my life couldn’t get any more stressful, the person who owns the place where I am presently staying has decided to sell. What does that mean for me? Well, for an individual who really doesn’t have a lot of trust in any member of the human race right now, I need to deal with strangers walking through my space up until I move.

I would move out of this place before the place went up for sale in any other circumstance. I would just up and leave, relocating before I ever needed someone walking through my space that I don’t know, in any other circumstance. Stupidly, I only relocated here like two months ago. Stupidly, this was supposed to be my safe-space until I moved provinces. Stupidly, it would be stupid to move again, before I am moving provinces so soon. Stupidly, this entire situation is fucking stupid.

The other day I had a realtor show up at my place and tell me that

  • My house is dull and lacks all decoration and personality
  • My house is dirty
  • My house is cluttered

My house is none of those things. But whatever. She sells real estate, so I am sure she’s speaking from a place of what she tells every fucking client she deals with and she’s sold the person who owns this house on a whole “plan of attack” that involves her getting the most money possible for cleaning and staging and de-cluttering.

I’m getting anxious about having my house, floor plan and pictures that contain all of my things, available online for the world to see.

I’m getting anxious about having strangers walking through my space without me around.

I’m getting anxious about being told to up and leave at a moment’s notice for people to get into my space.

I’m stressed out. I’m stressed out and wondering if there’s really any more stress the world can throw at me this year.

Moving is stressful enough for people selling houses. I’m not even selling my house. I just have to put up with all of this shit for someone else so that I don’t hinder them from being able to sell their place.

FFFFFFFFFAAAACK

Seeing the leaked documents from the Supreme Court of the United States is both not surprising and absolutely infuriating. This is what we knew would be coming when the Supreme Court was stacked to prioritize ‘conservative values’ over human rights.

Justice Alito‚Äôs decision would overturn Roe by ruling that Americans have no constitutional right to privacy. Since the right to privacy was central to Obergefell v. Hodges, the 2015 decision that legalized same-sex marriage, and Griswold v. Connecticut, the 1965 decision that stopped states from banning contraception, those rulings could also be under threat.” – Source: The Globe and Mail

I am pro abortion.

I am pro same-sex marriage.

I am pro having access to contraception, and any and all medication they need.

I am pro human rights.

I am against anyone believing they have the right to these choices for anyone else. If you don’t want an abortion, then don’t get one. If you don’t want to be in a same-sex marriage, don’t marry someone of the same sex. If you do not want to use contraception, then don’t. DO NOT try to make that choice for someone else.

April 23

It has actually been quite an interesting week for me. On the whole, I’ve been in a pretty bad mood this year, for obvious reasons. This past week though, well things actually seemed like they might have been in my favour. For that, I am thankful.

I had my first court date on Wednesday. The Justice did not grant an extension, which means we will be going ahead as planned. I had friends come to support me for the occasion, which I am eternally grateful for. I’m looking forward to having this all done and over with. While a court will only get me through the first hurdle, we’re still making progress. Progress is key.

I also got approved for the medium.com partner program, which means that if I submit blog posts on that website as a part of the partner program, they will be eligible to earn money. It actually took me about 2.5 weeks to meet the necessary requirements but I’m just lazy so I didn’t submit my information for the program until this week. I will probably take to Medium to share marketing/work-related content, as I’ve noticed there are a lot of people on that platform offering HORRIBLE advice. I’m not saying that I’m perfect at marketing, but I did spend 2.7 million dollars last month on marketing-related tasks, so I do know a little bit about what I’m doing – otherwise why would they give me that much money to use?

This week also saw the first shipment of my stuff headed for my new city. No, I am not moving yet. I’m starting the process, though. I have some really incredible friends who are helping me move in an effort to make it as low-cost as possible for me. As I’m sure many of you know, moving is not cheap. So my friends are keeping my stuff at their place, collecting little by little, week over week, until I do move in which case I’ll hopefully just have to take it from their house to my new place. I will share where I am moving and when I am moving closer to the date of moving. Spoiler though, I am very much looking forward to a new adventure.

Small wins.

The past seven days have been good. Last Saturday I was on the road. This Saturday I am at home and preparing for a new life in a new city. I survived my first court appearance and, dare I say, things might be looking up? I don’t want to get too hopeful, because I need to be realistic about things. But, let’s just say there was a time or two this past week when I smiled and it wasn’t forced.

She’s back!

I can finally share what my one-way plane ticket was for. I have recently returned from a cross-country road trip of epic proportions.

A few weeks back a friend of mine let me know they were making the trip and asked if I wanted to come with them. They know what’s been happening in my personal life the past few months and they presented it as an opportunity to get away from home for a few days, with a good friend, a change of scenery and lots of junk food. How great does that sound? At best I get a road trip across the country with one of my best friends and at worst I get a road trip across the country with one of my best friends. So I said yes.

I bought a one-way ticket across the country on a discount airline with a coupon code that I had from a flight I took last summer(I was rescheduled and rerouted four times so they gave me a discount code for future purchase ‘because of the inconvenience’). Altogether, the flight itself was quite cheap, which I was happy about.

So, with a plane ticket in hand, I threw a couple outfits into a suitcase, got on a plane and my friend picked me up when I landed. Then, we left.

We drove during daylight and stopped to sleep when darkness fell. We spent the trip driving through some of the vastest, most scenic, breathtaking landscapes the world could present the eyes and made fast friends with diner folk in small towns along the way. The weather across the country fluctuated from -19 to +12 degrees celsius, and there were varying amounts of snow and ice along the way. We actually got quite lucky, though, and the universe blessed us with clear highways the whole trip, making for easy driving, despite the winter conditions.

When you’re an adult, it always feels just a little bit more important when you get the chance to catch up with a long-time friend and spend time together. In our case, my friend and I have the type of relationship where we truly can talk about anything without judgement. We spent hours chatting about life and love, politics and world events, the best and worst things we’ve ever done, religion, therapy, trauma, where we thought we’d be versus where we are, and so much more. Our conversations would transition from human rights violations to investment portfolios, for example. It might not make sense to others, but it worked. Yes, there were definitely some dull moments, but we chose to fill those moments with stupid YouTube videos and 90’S music. I may have used up all of my data for the month in one trip, but I don’t care.

Canada is absolutely beautiful.

Friends that you can be yourself with are an incredible gift.

A change of scenery was very much needed, even if it was temporary. I know I’ll be moving soon enough, so I now have that to look forward to.

Anyways, that’s all for now. I must go back to work.

If you’re not already following me on Medium, you should.

I took to Medium to share my brief experience working for a startup and it’s become quite popular. It’s actually become more popular than I’ve ever expected, and I’ve created a bit of a divide amongst people reading it. Those who work for and love startups are deeply offended that I painted the picture of my startup, and thus all startups, in such a negative light. Those who’ve been treated like I have are celebrating the post and the honesty within it and telling me I am lucky I got out so soon.

I’m also 1/4 of the way to the medium partner program.