Because job hunting can never be boring.
Recruiter: Why did you apply for a job with us?
What I said: I have heard great things about your agency and wanted to further my career by joining your talented team of strategists.
What I wanted to say: Because I like money and you pay money in exchange for work.
Recruiter: So where do we fit into your career plans?
What I said: The fact that your company markets and ships internationally would allow me to better grow my understanding of how different cultures affect what marketing tactics are needed. I would love the opportunity to grow and thrive in a truly international scaled business.
What I wanted to say: Since I was a little girl, it’s always been a dream of mine to sell industrial valves and gaskets.
Recruiter: I think that you would love working here. We’re all so close, it’s like working in a big family.
What I said: Terrific! I love the sound of that!
What I wanted to say: I’m so sorry! I just threw up a little in my mouth when I heard that.
Recruiter: Salary is dependent on experience.
What I said: So, based on my experience, what would you provide in salary?
Recruiter: We can definitely have a conversation about that at a later date?
What I wanted to say: Why are you so afraid to provide the truth about what you’re willing to pay for this position? Is the salary shit?
Recruiter: Culture is important to us.
What I said: Oh for me too!
What I wanted to say: I totally get it. Managers love control, and if a candidate looks like they can be easily controlled, I’m sure they’re way more attractive as a candidate than such a strong-willed, smart-ass like me.
Recruiter: So, we really think you’re fantastic, but unfortunately you don’t have the professional experience necessary to fill this role.
What I said: I totally get it, thank you so much for your time and keep me in mind when you’re looking for people in future, please!
What I wanted to say: You’ve had my resume for two and a half weeks. At no point in that time did you actually consider reading my resume to see how many years of professional experience I have? Could’ve saved us a lot of fucking time, no?
Recruiter: We’ll be in touch.
What I said: Fantastic! When do you think?
Recruiter: We’ll be in touch when we’re ready?
What I said: When?
Recruiter: We’ll have to work through some things and look at the paperwork and we’ll be in touch.
What I wanted to say: So… never?
Recruiter: Can you tell us your greatest weakness?
What I said: Well, I could, but given this is a job interview and I’m trying to impress you, that wouldn’t be very smart.
Recruiter: We won’t hold it against you.
What I wanted to say: Then why are you asking?
Recruiter: You seem under-qualified for this role.
What I said: What I lack in qualifications I make up for in a willingness to learn and a passion to work hard.
What I wanted to say: Then why are you wasting my time?
Recruiter: You seem overqualified for this role.
What I said: Well thank you for saying that. I work hard.
What I wanted to say: I am. You better hire me quick before I find someone who truly values my worth.
Just Vee 
“Recruiter: I think that you would love working here. Weβre all so close, itβs like working in a big family.”
Robert California vibes lmao πππ.
Did you actually say ‘terrific’ though!? π
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Oh yeah! In professional settings I’m one fake-ass positive girl.
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GOOD VIBES ONLY! π Brought to you by sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns βοΈππ¦
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Don’t forget butterflies!
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Donβt be hatinβ on the butterflies π¦ lolz Theyβre bog beasts after all! [insert magic school bus reference here].
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Must be exhausting π¬
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Would love to see the reactions if you said what you wanted!
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Wouldn’t that be something? Oh my!
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ROTFLMAO ππ€£
If I was a recruiter: Thanks for the belly laugh, Vee. Your superior sense of humor made my day. Weβll stay in touch.
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Girl, if you were a recruiter, you would hire me on the spot!
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I totally would haha π
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So many flashbacks to my own experiences interviewing with idiots. #thegreatjobhunt
Recruiter: Any questions for me?
Me: Yeah, does someone in this organization really think you represent putting their best foot forward?
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lol can you just be my boss?
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Yes, but my payroll budget only pays in sh!tcoin, is that ok? π€‘
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I love your inner voice here and am holding all good thoughts you find a position worthy of your time and talents.
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Thank you! I wish my inner voice could land me the job. I enjoy my inner thoughts more than the fake persona required in most work places.
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Them: We’re like a big family!
Me: So you’re dysfunctional?
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YAAAAS! This is a good one!
“So you’re dysfunctional, speak in passive aggressive insults and spend most of your time trying to pretend each other don’t exist?”
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Actually, now that I think about it, that’s a pretty accurate description of every job I’ve ever had.
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I went through recruiters before I got my current job, and they were absolutely useless. Of all the jobs I’ve had in my life, none of them happened thanks to a recruiter: it was just doing the research myself and finding the opportunities to take. I’m sure recruiters work for some people, but personally, I’m wary of them…
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Oh, yeah. Some of them are absolutely fantastic, and some of them are horrible at their job of being recruiters. 6 of 1, half dozen of the other.
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Next time you get an interview V, say the things you mean. a) they are very funny and b) I think you’d get the job. PS if you want this one, I hope you get it.
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I like to think I am funny, so thank you!
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I gave an interview at a company targeting pets care overall. I said I hate pets in an interview when they asked me do I have and love pets…πββοΈ They picked me up! All I said was…having a pet is like having a baby and I don’t want to take that responsibility..but that might change in future… We had a laugh..
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Alas If I would be recuriter, And ask for, Speak the truth please. I know what are you saying inward?
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