Conversations I’ve had with recruiters this week

Because job hunting can never be boring.

Recruiter: Why did you apply for a job with us?
What I said: I have heard great things about your agency and wanted to further my career by joining your talented team of strategists.
What I wanted to say: Because I like money and you pay money in exchange for work.


Recruiter: So where do we fit into your career plans?
What I said: The fact that your company markets and ships internationally would allow me to better grow my understanding of how different cultures affect what marketing tactics are needed. I would love the opportunity to grow and thrive in a truly international scaled business.
What I wanted to say: Since I was a little girl, it’s always been a dream of mine to sell industrial valves and gaskets.


Recruiter: I think that you would love working here. We’re all so close, it’s like working in a big family.
What I said: Terrific! I love the sound of that!
What I wanted to say: I’m so sorry! I just threw up a little in my mouth when I heard that.


Recruiter: Salary is dependent on experience.
What I said: So, based on my experience, what would you provide in salary?
Recruiter: We can definitely have a conversation about that at a later date?
What I wanted to say: Why are you so afraid to provide the truth about what you’re willing to pay for this position? Is the salary shit?


Recruiter: Culture is important to us.
What I said: Oh for me too!
What I wanted to say: I totally get it. Managers love control, and if a candidate looks like they can be easily controlled, I’m sure they’re way more attractive as a candidate than such a strong-willed, smart-ass like me.


Recruiter: So, we really think you’re fantastic, but unfortunately you don’t have the professional experience necessary to fill this role.
What I said: I totally get it, thank you so much for your time and keep me in mind when you’re looking for people in future, please!
What I wanted to say: You’ve had my resume for two and a half weeks. At no point in that time did you actually consider reading my resume to see how many years of professional experience I have? Could’ve saved us a lot of fucking time, no?


Recruiter: We’ll be in touch.
What I said: Fantastic! When do you think?
Recruiter: We’ll be in touch when we’re ready?
What I said: When?
Recruiter: We’ll have to work through some things and look at the paperwork and we’ll be in touch.
What I wanted to say: So… never?


Recruiter: Can you tell us your greatest weakness?
What I said: Well, I could, but given this is a job interview and I’m trying to impress you, that wouldn’t be very smart.
Recruiter: We won’t hold it against you.
What I wanted to say: Then why are you asking?


Recruiter: You seem under-qualified for this role.
What I said: What I lack in qualifications I make up for in a willingness to learn and a passion to work hard.
What I wanted to say: Then why are you wasting my time?


Recruiter: You seem overqualified for this role.
What I said: Well thank you for saying that. I work hard.
What I wanted to say: I am. You better hire me quick before I find someone who truly values my worth.

26 thoughts on “Conversations I’ve had with recruiters this week

  1. So many flashbacks to my own experiences interviewing with idiots. #thegreatjobhunt
    Recruiter: Any questions for me?
    Me: Yeah, does someone in this organization really think you represent putting their best foot forward?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. YAAAAS! This is a good one!

      “So you’re dysfunctional, speak in passive aggressive insults and spend most of your time trying to pretend each other don’t exist?”

      Like

  2. I went through recruiters before I got my current job, and they were absolutely useless. Of all the jobs I’ve had in my life, none of them happened thanks to a recruiter: it was just doing the research myself and finding the opportunities to take. I’m sure recruiters work for some people, but personally, I’m wary of them…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, yeah. Some of them are absolutely fantastic, and some of them are horrible at their job of being recruiters. 6 of 1, half dozen of the other.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I gave an interview at a company targeting pets care overall. I said I hate pets in an interview when they asked me do I have and love pets…πŸ™†β€β™€οΈ They picked me up! All I said was…having a pet is like having a baby and I don’t want to take that responsibility..but that might change in future… We had a laugh..

    Like

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