First week on the job

I survived!

I didn’t just survive, I’m pretty sure I thrived. I am thriving. There’s such a stark difference from my last employment experience to this one. I think I’m really going to like this team.

Since I don’t think that I shared here, I am a Campaign & Advertising Manager for a national business here in Canada. I will be spending all workday, every day, managing the business social presence through paid and organic avenues.

I know what I was thinking when I heard that I got the job – why me? I spent a few days with imposter syndrome, thinking I’m not qualified for this role. But then I thought that I’m not going to do that anymore. I earned this job. They had 200 applications for this role and they picked me. That wasn’t on accident. I’m going to go forth with that perspective and be a damn good campaign manager for them.

Here’s to hoping I don’t fuck it up, because I want to move. I’m still looking for an apartment in the new city and realizing how much of my stuff I’m going to have to either sell off or give away makes me a little sad. Moving into this house was the first time in my adult life that I actually had enough disposable income that I could purchase some things I wanted, and not just things I needed to survive. You know what I mean?

My personal life is still a hot mess. Not much has changed there, I am just trying really hard to not bitch about it online (sorry Jenn, for bitching about it to you). Some days are easier than others.

In other, completely exciting news, I think we’re finally done with snow in Calgary. I think it’s finally spring. The grass is turning from brown to green, the birds are chirping and it’s daylight until almost seven pm each evening. I cannot begin to tell you what that’s done for my mood. I’m still anxious, but feel better about myself when it’s not so dark all of the time.

Speaking of being anxious, I’m trying to find more at home or over-the-counter means to help with my anxiety. If anyone has any tips, I would love to hear them. Meditating isn’t really my thing. But I’ve recently cut way back on caffeine and while I am definitely more tired because of it, I can say that tiredness means I’m less anxious. Like if anxiety were on a sliding scale, with caffeine, I’m a 12/10 for how bad it is, and without caffeine I’m a 9 or a 10/10. Small things might help, who knows. I think I’ll always be an anxious person because I’ve always been an anxious person. I still have to try and help myself, though.

Okay, time to go forth and go about my day.

25 thoughts on “First week on the job

  1. Have you tried essential oil’s…my go to for anxiety is lavender. I have two. One, a roll on (can be used on the skin) that I place on my wrists and the other an oil that I use in my diffuser. Hope that helps. Glad you’re enjoying the new place of employment! πŸ™‚

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    1. I’m actually really allergic to them! I love the smell, but every single one that I’ve tried my skin breaks out in a blistery rash. So I can’t touch them! 😦 I know people love rolling them on their wrists, or I know some people even put a drop on their pillows. That makes me look like I got stung by a swarm of bees!

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  2. I continue to believe that you are stronger than you think, more competent than you think and more resilient than you could ever imagine. And here you are, proving mr right! Well done, my blogging friend! β€πŸ€—

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    1. Thank you ❀ I hope one day I get to a point where I feel like I'm strong. Right now I'm just living by the 'fake it until you make it' mantra, hoping I make it through.

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  3. I’m glad you’re happy. Sounds like the right move for you. For over the counter stuff there isn’t really I find my mood is better when I take my vitamin supplements though as my anxiety is related to an illness. Vitamin D3, calcium, etc. Rooting for you.

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  4. For me, it sounds simple, but going on a walk always helps. With that spring weather coming in, being outside brings the focus to your other senses like sound and smell, instead of the internal spiraling.

    If I can’t get outside, you’ll catch me taking laps around the house, just so I can stay moving forward and steady breathing. Sounds like you have some new furniture to admire too while you’re at it.πŸ™‚

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    1. Thanks for the walking tip. In the winter, when it was hella cold outside, I used to walk up and down my stairs (four floors). I know what you mean about doing laps.

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  5. Like Nick, I go on walks. In all weather. I also take photos of beautiful things around me, which is a good distraction. I also groom my horses. It’s nice repetitive exercise and horses are grounding.

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      1. Animals all the way! Are you able to get any pets eventually in the new place? Realise it’s a minefield when renting though. Hope you one day get the dog.

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  6. “I can say that tiredness means I’m less anxious”

    Voila, I figured out this is the balance that medication tries to help you to achieve. Unspent energy and restlessness is a contributor to anxiety. Contentment and peace does to an extent equal sleepiness because it just makes sense considering we are vessels for propagation of genes in a harsh world. It is that healthy level of motivation, routine, capability and expression that we need.

    You shouldn’t hold back on your own blog for anyone in terms of what you need to express.

    But that other stuff is bloody encouraging to read! Your perseverance is just exquisite. I’m not trying to sound like Robert California lol just seemed like the best way to say it πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜‚

    Look up walking meditation. I feel like you hate sitting in place, like me, you need to feel forwards movement.

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      1. This is what I hate about meditationβ€” it’s very hard to find simple explanations of what exactly it is, and there’s a very rigid ingrained picture of what it looks like. But the core of meditation is about sustained focus and the benefits which come from that. Yoga is exactly the same just with physical movement too, which serves to boost the neurochemicals and the positive/relaxation effect of the meditation, besides the extra physical health benefits yoga gives.

        I went to a meditation retreat in January 2019 where they offered different kinds of ‘retreats’. I did a beginner yoga/meditation one, but they also had walking meditation retreats. I would’ve done that no question if not for the knee issues.

        The biggest thing you can learn about meditation is that core principle/function of sustained, targeted focus, and then you realise how many activities have a meditative aspect to them. Such as reading, sports such as Formula 1, playing a musical instrument and fully immersing yourself within the experience of it, etc.

        There’s unfortunately a whole snobbish and inaccessible level of ‘packaging’ and mumbo jumbo which people have put around meditation (especially within religious/spiritualism contexts), put it onto a pedestal and made it this complicated thing. Reading about the science of it helps to simplify and understand it.

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      2. The retreat:
        https://dhanakosa.com/retreat/2022/walking-and-nature-awareness

        Walking meditation:
        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walking_meditation

        Both meditation and physical exercise boost those healthy neurochemicals and reduce cortisol. For some people meditation is enough to make them relaxed and focused. Others need more. It’s kind of on a spectrum of activities rather than this distinct, mystical thing, if you see what I mean.

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  7. good to hear some positive updates — happy for you! I also sometimes have issues with caffeine making my anxiety worse and someone suggested putting 1-3 drops of lavender essential oils in your cup, and it really works! The taste difference is a bit to get used to but it’s relatively minor. You could also add a B12 supplement to your morning routine.
    Other ways of coping with anxiety …. a diffuser with essential oils before you go to bed (or in your office) & classical music. I know a lot of people cringe over classical music but you just have to know what to look for. I particularly enjoy Mozart, Debussy, and Bizet for relaxation. There is also a Pandora station called “instrumental chill” that I like. Good luck at the new job!

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